IT Services

While IT and computer related services are not generally on the menu here, having worked on/with/against computers since the days of the original IBM PC vs the original Macintosh puts me in a position to offer at least some advice. Listed in no particular order:

1) Don't ever assume that price and popularity assure quality. The dominant OS on the market today is a development of what was the worst OS available, back when there were options. People can be fooled, and have been fooled into lining up and following idiots (not you, you're too smart for that).

2) Over engineering and poor management can and will ruin anything (see number one above)

3) For truly errant computers or really severe virus issues, I highly recommend the Sig Sauer® P226 chambered for the .40 S&W. It just has a wonderful feel of finality when it discharges into the CPU. I also recommend the Glock® chambered for the same round, or the Taurus 9mm if you're on a budget.

4) I do not condone violence as a solution to anything, but if you must vent and do not have a permit for number 3 above, I like baseball bats and sledge hammers as viable substitutes. Remember to always wear eye protection when undergoing this type of computer repair.

5) Before you get to numbers 3 and 4, always try rebooting.

6) I have installed a string on my CPU, the other end of which I tie to my mouse hand when working on the computer. This triggers a reboot the minute my hand leaves the desk and reaches to furrow my brow. Frustration and rebooting go hand in glove with a PC and the currently dominant OS. If they offered a rebate for every reboot, there'd be no more reboot rebates after about a week due to a lack of funds.

7) Had you been there to see it evolve, the notion that the current number one OS on the market would ever amounted to anything (they really were 5+ years behind everyone else) would have made you laugh till you puked.

8) The only other thing that's ever made me puke was the eventual dominance of the currently dominant OS in the market place and scallops (it's an allergy thing).

9) I miss my Mac. While this fact does not offer any consolation or advice, it stands as a solemn testament to the enduring quality of good engineering.

10) If your really stuck and need assistance, call me - I have a bat. (Please note that I really, really, hate doing IT work and would much prefer you get your own bat)

Disclaimer: The author does not advocate the use or proliferation of handguns, baseball bats, or sledge hammers, and accepts no repsonsibility for those who cannot distinguish between satire and advice. If your are offended by the content on this page, click here.